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Wednesday, 14 March 2018

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No feeling is final

                                        'No feeling is final' ~ Rainer Maria Rilke 

Hello there lovers,
I know I haven't posted anything lately so I'm just going to jump straight into this. For a little while now, I have been dealing with some painful emotions. Being open and honest with you guys, throughout my life I've experienced a couple bouts of depression and pretty much had an on going battle with anxiety for quite some time. Recently, for the first time, rather than just filling my life with distractions and trying to remove the negative feelings (temporarily),  I decided to face these issues and embark on a bit of a journey to understanding the deep rooted causes and how to go about healing my wounds. Whilst also trying to deal with balancing out my frequently flickering feelings of disconnection - As if i'd checked out of my own self, watching in from the outside. Whilst on the other hand,  being overly empathetic and too emotionally connected to everything around me. Its been a bit of a case of either feeling overwhelmed or not really feeling much at all. I don't want to go too deep into detail about myself in this post because that isn't exactly the reason why I'm writing this but, Its been quite an intense time so to speak.


As I've mentioned before in past posts, I've never really been the best for dealing with negative feelings when they rear their ugly head in my life,  I think this is something that the majority of us struggle with daily. I don't personally know about how you deal with negativity, but I'd always chose to keep myself distracted from feeling pain or emptiness. I avoided stillness at all costs because these emotions would hit me like a ton of bricks and I wasn't ready to deal with them until recently. This time, I decided to stand my ground and persevere with any negativity that I may come to feel and to tell you honestly, this process is not a fun one in any way what so ever. Some days I wake up feeling like I'm stuck in a nightmare, other days Im my happy go lucky self but, I know that understanding and perseverance is necessary for me to feel better long term rather than just brushing these feelings under the carpet and getting a temporary fix. Its so important to really listen to yourself and recognise the lessons behind these negative emotions, to see the goodness that they are going to give you one your moved past them. Im learning how to work through them and that its ok to feel like this. It's also very important to remember that No feeling is final. Emotions are intense but, inconsistent and fleeting parts of our lives and negative ones are just a symptom of something bigger going on inside of us. Just like if you go to the doctors with symptoms of consistent physical pain, they will run tests and search deeper into finding out the underlying problem that is causing these symptoms. Our mental wellbeing is the same.

"Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways."  

If you are consistently experiencing symptoms of depression, for example; low energy, lack of interest in the things you'd normally enjoy, sadness / over all low mood.. etc, these symptoms are there to show you that there is a a bigger problem, Maybe its something that has happened in your past or maybe something is happening presently which is feeling raw,  unhealed and is subconsciously acting up inside of you,  creating your depression (Same for anxiety, or any other mental health issues). Finding strength is important here, the strength to search deeper into what the cause/ causes are and take time and energy into first understanding and then healing these open wounds which are leaking out into other parts of your life. Its not an easy process believe me, but its one which is so important for us all to take the time to do, to help create a more loving and understanding life for ourselves. Its all about cause and effect. Take the time to commit to yourself and your own happiness and inner peace, it may not feel like it at first because it can be extremely painful to face these issues head on, but in the long run it will be one of the best decisions you've ever made.


Today, whilst writing this, Im still trying to understand certain events in my life and the effects they have had on me, so that I can accept and move on from them productively. I still get overwhelmed by my emotions. I still get lonely sometimes, no matter how many people may be around me. Ive never been that good at having what I call ' Shallow friendships', you know the kind where you just kinda stay on the surface of things and don't dive much deeper into knowing what makes that person tick or finding out their true passions or discussing their past or get to a point where you are able to ask them if they are truly ok and receive a completely honest answer in return, rather than just putting on a smile and pretending everything is good, but then go home to be upset alone. As I understand, most people are quite reserved in what they tell others, they prefer to hide truths and remain composed. I guess these types of people may find people like me a bit too intense, but by being this way I'm trying to achieve building a foundation on what I consider to be meaningful things, you know? I want people to know that no matter what inner struggles they are going through, that they can share their struggles with me and I will be there to support them. That I will be your friend in your happiest hours just as much as your darkest. That I won't run as soon as it starts to rain. I will pitch up my umbrella and stand with you until the rain goes, or ask you to dance with me amongst it whilst it falls, feeling every single drop roll off our bodies and watch them hit the floor - just like our struggles - we feel them, immerse ourselves in them and then watch them wash away.

 Images by @Baldwinner

So based on this ocean of a topic that I've briefly touched upon - I want you to know that if you are going through any emotional struggles in your life right now - you are not alone and you don't have to be! It is so important that people have a good support system and feel connected with each other, especially in times when you feel like your world is crumbling down. If you feel the need to reach out to someone outside of your circle about these matters - Feel free to contact me through the details on my contact page - Email, Instagram, whatever suits you best. Your message will be received with love and zero judgement - it will also stay confidential.

Love always, 
Hannah x 


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