Wednesday, 6 December 2017


Facing fears

“ To escape fear, you have to go through it, not around it” ~ Richie Norton

I have spent the majority of my existence feeling emotionally overwhelmed and trapped by society and actually just any kind of negativity in general. I always found if I stayed in the same place for too long my mind would become riddled with anxiety and oozing with this need to get out. I'd crave nothing more than to just float away, off into the horizon on an adventure - never to look back. My main focus and channel of energy would always be spent on ways of escaping the mundane, whether that be by physically retreating and hiding, detaching myself, jumping on a plane and flying away or even just sat daydreaming of where else I could be or how my life could be improved. To allow myself be care free. Impulsive. Reckless. To feed the inner madness by going out into the world, throwing caution to the wind and just go wild, because 'Bad decisions make for great stories' ... right ?!. 

A lot of people have always advised me to work hard now and enjoy the benefits later - which I understood - But, my way of thinking has always been the opposite. I have always been too impatient and I had developed a fear of running out of time to do all the things I want to do before I get old and miss the opportunity. I suppose you could say I have lived my life in a rather Hedonistic way - Id take the present as if it's the only thing we truly own and go wild with my impulses. I'd follow whatever it is that gave me pleasure and filled my live with happiness, passion and excitement. This mind set definitely leads to an extremely interesting, artistic lifestyle which I do think we should embrace -  but as I get older my pattern of thought has evolved a little and I now have started to develop a little bit more of a balance. I have come to the realisation that, as much as I enjoy  ‘Pleasure seeking', I've actually been using it as a distraction from dealing with personal fears. As soon as something becomes difficult or too emotionally overwhelming I start to get the urge to run (as I'm sure a lot of you often do too), so I end up booking a flight and leaving so that I can feel peaceful again for a short while or I become reckless and start involving myself in things that end up effecting my life in a negative way, rather than facing up to whatever the struggle is, sometimes id rather just hide from it. 

(Images by Lewis Beards)

I now see how much time I have spent distracted by the thrill of chasing the things that excite me, that I made no real time to just be still and truly see myself or any of what I may have been running from. Being 'on the go' all the time makes it hard to have any time to truly see things for what they are and makes it more difficult to think. Sometimes, a bit of down time is necessary for yourself to unwind and let your thoughts/emotions settle to allow clarity. Its ok to be scared by your own emotions, behavioural patterns or personal habits. We can’t honestly be happy and up beat all the time and I am now completely at peace with this fact because it doesn’t feel natural any other way. Sure, it feels amazing to have happy times but also there’s something so beautiful about melancholia. It reminds me that I'm human and I feel proud to be able to feel sadness, hurt or fear and process it in a healthy way and overcome it with strength rather than trying to escape it. The truth is, you can try to escape your sadness, insecurities and fears but it won't last very long. You can keep running and trying to hide from issues that lie within you but they will follow you until you face them. So be brave, go through them rather than around them and feel extremely proud of yourself for not just taking the easy route out.

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