200hr YTT Part I : The physicality's

Hey lovers!

Firstly, I'd like to start by apologising for the lack of blogging. I was really hoping to have been writing and sharing throughout my yoga teacher training but, if I'm being honest with you guys, the whole journey had me at a bit of a loss for words. I didn't know where to begin or even have the time to try and figure out how to explain what was happening. I have now completed my training and I'm pleased to be able to share with you the things I have gained from these past weeks. Now I have settled myself, I am able to share with you. Aside from getting my qualification, I want to talk to you guys on a bit more detail about what I experienced physically, emotionally and spiritually over the past couple of months, during and after my training.

So, it all began when I arrived in Majorca for my 200hr yoga teacher training course on the 2nd April 2018.  For whatever reason, I was expecting for it to be a relatively relaxing time - I really had no idea what I was in for. The first couple of days were pretty chilled, everyone getting to know each other and settling in (I honestly couldn't have asked for a better group of people to do this course with, everyone was so sweet hearted and beautiful in their own way). As far as that goes, those were probably the only completely relaxing days of the whole training as it was an emotional rollercoaster from there on out. It really didn't take long at all for the yoga/ meditation practise and the diet change to start working its magic, physically and emotionally - through out the first week the group was experiencing a lot of physical aches, pains and soreness in our muscles, (which were to be expected of course), we were training intensely and using muscles we may have been neglecting for a while (I know I certainly had). The Asana practise and diet change, caused our bodies energies to naturally start shifting and detoxifying, which in my body, showed up as severe acid reflux and migraines - to the point where I was struggling to concentrate on anything. We were told to avoid taking any medications for pain relief, just to allow ourselves to work through the detoxification process - I don't often use pain killers, but I really struggled not to this time, the sensations were so intense it made so difficult to concentrate and process all the new information I was trying to take in. Luckily, as the week went on these symptoms died down and finally disappeared - Thank Goodness for that ! 

Throughout the course we were eating strictly vegan diets, consisting of fruits, veg, grains and pulses, for two meals a day - Lunch, dinner and occasionally a some snacks in between. This was also a little bit of a change to my normal eating habits - I was eating much healthier food and less than I usually would eat which at first was slightly challenging to adjust to as I was having cravings for my usual snacks but, as time went on I became less hungry and more satisfied with what I was eating. My mindset has changed about food also, I used to feel irritated and moody if I hadn't eaten enough and Id spend an awful lot of my time thinking of food. I now no longer obsess in my mind over food and the sugary things I always craved, or feel the urge to just eat for the sake of eating, to comfort me. Now, I believe I'm in a better mindset. I'm more in tune with my body and the connection it has with my mind, I listen to it in a healthier way, by eating when and what I feel I should - which turns out to be a lot different to what I though before.  - A big Thank you to Mercedes, (the chef on the course) for the AMAZING food! Honestly, it was without a doubt the tastiest food I've ever eaten. I have been vegetarian/vegan for roughly 5 years, but I was opened up to a completely new way of cooking which I absolutely love and now use every day!

All in all, the physical side of things for me changed a fair amount. I never really thought of yoga as a go to work out to get fit, I always looked at it as a mentally and physically relaxing practise - boyyyy, was I wrong about that! After practising everyday for the weeks of my course, and everyday since, I now notice that I am more toned and I can see muscle where I couldn't see any before. My upper body strength and my balance has increased immensely. I'm now able to do things with my body that I didn't even know I could do. A major thing that I learnt is that yoga is much more challenging than people expect. This course was an intense process to say the least, which in turn led to some deeply profound experiences that I was not expecting to have, (I will go in to more detail about this in part II) this whole experience has taught me so much and I feel truly blessed to be able to cherish and carry the memories and information with me. Through this course, I have fallen deeper in love with yoga and with myself also,  for me thats the best result I could have ever asked for.

A New chapter

Hey lovers,
Happy Easter! - Seeing as it is Easter, I thought this would be a pretty 'perfect time' to discuss new beginnings. So, this post is about starting new chapters in our lives. Saying goodbye to a phase we've been going through and welcoming whats next to come with open arms. This will obviously differ from person to person and could mean anything from -  Changing career path,  moving home or country, a change in health condition, letting go of someone or an idea you've been holding onto, even just learning something new which has turned out to be life altering information for you, etc.. -  if it has changed your perspective on life or yourself,  then your self is already starting a new phase.

Everything comes to an end at some point, we are constantly evolving and shifting. If we aren't growing out of things then we aren't really living much of an existence. Just like anything in life, you can chose to see this in a positive way and embrace it or a negative and try to hold on to what you have grown out of. It certainly may feel sad to let go of something that once was, or it could be a change that you are super excited for, either way its such a beautiful and positive notion that we are evolving and growing wiser.

Anyway, my reason for writing the is that a new chapter in my life is about to begin and I am super excited for it! This time tomorrow, I shall be flying away to start my yoga teacher training course. This is something that I have been aiming to do for a little while now and I feel like its going to be a pretty life altering experience for me. Yoga and meditation have been big healers in my life, they have helped me get through some extremely difficult times and I honestly recommend that everyone gives the Yogic lifestyle a try. Its a breathe of fresh air - challenging - but in the most amazing ways and I am looking forward to throw myself into the heart of it and learn all the techniques, workings and philosophy in even more depth on this course. I'm going to try and write as much as I can throughout the process to keep you updated and then share my overall experience. Stay tuned!


   

Love always,
Hannah
   x

No feeling is final

                                        'No feeling is final' ~ Rainer Maria Rilke 

Hello there lovers,
I know I haven't posted anything lately so I'm just going to jump straight into this. For a little while now, I have been dealing with some painful emotions. Being open and honest with you guys, throughout my life I've experienced a couple bouts of depression and pretty much had an on going battle with anxiety for quite some time. Recently, for the first time, rather than just filling my life with distractions and trying to remove the negative feelings (temporarily),  I decided to face these issues and embark on a bit of a journey to understanding the deep rooted causes and how to go about healing my wounds. Whilst also trying to deal with balancing out my frequently flickering feelings of disconnection - As if i'd checked out of my own self, watching in from the outside. Whilst on the other hand,  being overly empathetic and too emotionally connected to everything around me. Its been a bit of a case of either feeling overwhelmed or not really feeling much at all. I don't want to go too deep into detail about myself in this post because that isn't exactly the reason why I'm writing this but, Its been quite an intense time so to speak.

As I've mentioned before in past posts, I've never really been the best for dealing with negative feelings when they rear their ugly head in my life,  I think this is something that the majority of us struggle with daily. I don't personally know about how you deal with negativity, but I'd always chose to keep myself distracted from feeling pain or emptiness. I avoided stillness at all costs because these emotions would hit me like a ton of bricks and I wasn't ready to deal with them until recently. This time, I decided to stand my ground and persevere with any negativity that I may come to feel and to tell you honestly, this process is not a fun one in any way what so ever. Some days I wake up feeling like I'm stuck in a nightmare, other days Im my happy go lucky self but, I know that understanding and perseverance is necessary for me to feel better long term rather than just brushing these feelings under the carpet and getting a temporary fix. Its so important to really listen to yourself and recognise the lessons behind these negative emotions, to see the goodness that they are going to give you one your moved past them. Im learning how to work through them and that its ok to feel like this. It's also very important to remember that No feeling is final. Emotions are intense but, inconsistent and fleeting parts of our lives and negative ones are just a symptom of something bigger going on inside of us. Just like if you go to the doctors with symptoms of consistent physical pain, they will run tests and search deeper into finding out the underlying problem that is causing these symptoms. Our mental wellbeing is the same.

"Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways."  

If you are consistently experiencing symptoms of depression, for example; low energy, lack of interest in the things you'd normally enjoy, sadness / over all low mood.. etc, these symptoms are there to show you that there is a a bigger problem, Maybe its something that has happened in your past or maybe something is happening presently which is feeling raw,  unhealed and is subconsciously acting up inside of you,  creating your depression (Same for anxiety, or any other mental health issues). Finding strength is important here, the strength to search deeper into what the cause/ causes are and take time and energy into first understanding and then healing these open wounds which are leaking out into other parts of your life. Its not an easy process believe me, but its one which is so important for us all to take the time to do, to help create a more loving and understanding life for ourselves. Its all about cause and effect. Take the time to commit to yourself and your own happiness and inner peace, it may not feel like it at first because it can be extremely painful to face these issues head on, but in the long run it will be one of the best decisions you've ever made.

Today, whilst writing this, Im still trying to understand certain events in my life and the effects they have had on me, so that I can accept and move on from them productively. I still get overwhelmed by my emotions. I still get lonely sometimes, no matter how many people may be around me. Ive never been that good at having what I call ' Shallow friendships', you know the kind where you just kinda stay on the surface of things and don't dive much deeper into knowing what makes that person tick or finding out their true passions or discussing their past or get to a point where you are able to ask them if they are truly ok and receive a completely honest answer in return, rather than just putting on a smile and pretending everything is good, but then go home to be upset alone. As I understand, most people are quite reserved in what they tell others, they prefer to hide truths and remain composed. I guess these types of people may find people like me a bit too intense, but by being this way I'm trying to achieve building a foundation on what I consider to be meaningful things, you know? I want people to know that no matter what inner struggles they are going through, that they can share their struggles with me and I will be there to support them. That I will be your friend in your happiest hours just as much as your darkest. That I won't run as soon as it starts to rain. I will pitch up my umbrella and stand with you until the rain goes, or ask you to dance with me amongst it whilst it falls, feeling every single drop roll off our bodies and watch them hit the floor - just like our struggles - we feel them, immerse ourselves in them and then watch them wash away.

 Images by @Baldwinner

So based on this ocean of a topic that I've briefly touched upon - I want you to know that if you are going through any emotional struggles in your life right now - you are not alone and you don't have to be! It is so important that people have a good support system and feel connected with each other, especially in times when you feel like your world is crumbling down. If you feel the need to reach out to someone outside of your circle about these matters - Feel free to contact me through the details on my contact page - Email, Instagram, whatever suits you best. Your message will be received with love and zero judgement - it will also stay confidential.

Love always, 

Hannah x 

Slaves To Society

“Human tragedies: We all want to be extraordinary
and we all just want to fit in. Unfortunately, extraordinary people rarely fit in.” 
― Sebastyne Young

I've always felt like a hexagonal puzzle piece trying to be forced into a square shaped gap. Basically,  Its just not going to happen - as hard as society can try. The things is, I don't have an issue with being a hexagon. I embrace being different and having contrasting dreams and aspirations to others around me. I don't mind standing out from the crowd if it means I get to be my true self, but Ive grown to realise that western society happens to have a slight issue with this. There isn't much room for us to roam here or much of a feeling of acceptance for the 'weird' or wildly spirited. Im talking about the outcasts, the rogues, the explorers, the creatives, the eccentrics or the complexly deep soul searchers. You know the ones I'm talking about - the avoiders of conformity whom get tarred with the 'crazy' brush or made to feel like outsiders just because they don't fit into this straight jacket mould that has been created. The ones whom want their lives to be far from mundane or dictated to them. 

I was born on this earth, yet sometimes I feel like an alien here. Like a bird trying to be caged by society. In a world full of influencers telling you to ' BE YOU' but then still following the crowd and conforming, its hard not to feel slightly confused or lost. I feel disheartened  at the fact that so many of us are told to follow our dreams but when it actually comes to doing what is required to achieve that .. e.g. break away from the crowd,  take a leap of faith into the unknown.. etc, we start to get talked out of it because it may not be a 'secure' path to follow or a 'safe bet', therefore, it could 'fail' and I believe we all want to avoid that. In our minds we are all scared in some way of messing up our lives, our egos like control and by choosing the road less travelled, it becomes unpredictable to know what will happen next. Which, I personally don't think to be a bad thing at all. Once we take that leap, I believe this is where the fun starts. Our lives start to blossom and we begin to attract the things we have been endlessly thinking about. But it can certainly be a scary thing to do, to put all our faith in ourselves and go out into the world in attempt to manifest the life of our dreams, however crazy or unrealistic it may seem. 

When I talk about my desire for freedom, to be close to nature, to explore the world in any crazy way possible, to not be tied down to responsibilities, especially whilst I'm young - Im shocked by the amount of times I'm made to feel like its unrealistic to break away from society... "why would you leave what you have?" "How will you make enough money?" people ask, "its not a stable lifestyle" they say. Maybe I'm being naive but I don't want these things to dictate my life choices. But these sort of comments creep up on me and start to fill my head with doubts which then hold me back from following some of the things I desire, even when I try my hardest not to let them. They are in the back of my mind telling me I'm going to fail if I make a big change or venture out into the world to explore and find my own truths because I'm being judged by a society whom has already been told a version of the truth that they are choosing to believe, possibly without really searching any deeper for their own. 

“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?” 
― Erin Hanson 

There is so much fear here, so much need for control and a ridiculous amount of pressure put onto us from such a young age to eradicate any kind of uncertainty. We are made to feel like we should have a secure life plan and if we don't, then their is something wrong with us. We are taught how to behave, how we should speak to others, how we should dress, how and when we should eat. We are made well aware of a traditional path in life in which people go to uni, get a well paid job and work their way up in the world, find a partner and get married, buy a house, have kids and settle down, retire and then die. Can we all just take a moment to stop and question all this? Do we really want to live in a world where we judge peoples success and the amount of respect we give to them based on their material worth? Do we really want to spend our whole lives slaving away doing the same thing day in day out, for material things and miss out on seeing what else their is out there on this beautiful earth we are blessed to be on? This kind of lifestyle may make some people happy but it's not for everyone - it's not for me, it has never been my cup of tea and that is ok. We are all different. I know that there is more out there than this, in which I want to explore. I know that you can't have everything in life set to a time schedule or have everything figured out because not everything is going to go to plan and nobody has all the answers.
So, when I start to worry or put pressure on myself  to know whats going on in my life or what my next move is - I stop and think... why not embrace the uncertain? welcome it with open arms because its full of amazing opportunities. We can do anything with our time, so why not think out of the box? What would happen if you began to break your routines and habits? What would happen if you left your current lifestyle and went to travel the world? If you worked a little less but made more time to follow your passions? Or ended the relationship that you are clinging onto even though you know its not working and embrace the unknown of being single to make room for something better to come? Even with the small things, like not wearing shoes if we want to feel the earth we are walking on or licking our plates clean if we enjoyed the food or singing and dancing in front of strangers on the underground rather than sitting in silence. Just anything that we feel we wish to do rather than what we are told to do to fit in, who cares if people think you are weird - at least you are being you, as the individual that you are.

Don't let anyone make you feel like you are crazy just because you are different or have different views on life. Don't let people tell you can't follow your dreams (Slightly cringeworthy to say, but its true). Don't let fear control your decisions. You'll be surprised how things begin to work in your favour when you put a little faith in the universe and in your own self to recognise when its time to make a change. 'Fortune favours the brave' as they say. Don't feel like you have to make yourself a square to fit into the puzzle gap, embrace your difference, be a hexagon.

“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it's a feather bed.” 

― Terence McKenna