200hr YTT Part I : The physicality's

Hey lovers!

Firstly, I'd like to start by apologising for the lack of blogging. I was really hoping to have been writing and sharing throughout my yoga teacher training but, if I'm being honest with you guys, the whole journey had me at a bit of a loss for words. I didn't know where to begin or even have the time to try and figure out how to explain what was happening. I have now completed my training and I'm pleased to be able to share with you the things I have gained from these past weeks. Now I have settled myself, I am able to share with you. Aside from getting my qualification, I want to talk to you guys on a bit more detail about what I experienced physically, emotionally and spiritually over the past couple of months, during and after my training.

So, it all began when I arrived in Majorca for my 200hr yoga teacher training course on the 2nd April 2018.  For whatever reason, I was expecting for it to be a relatively relaxing time - I really had no idea what I was in for. The first couple of days were pretty chilled, everyone getting to know each other and settling in (I honestly couldn't have asked for a better group of people to do this course with, everyone was so sweet hearted and beautiful in their own way). As far as that goes, those were probably the only completely relaxing days of the whole training as it was an emotional rollercoaster from there on out. It really didn't take long at all for the yoga/ meditation practise and the diet change to start working its magic, physically and emotionally - through out the first week the group was experiencing a lot of physical aches, pains and soreness in our muscles, (which were to be expected of course), we were training intensely and using muscles we may have been neglecting for a while (I know I certainly had). The Asana practise and diet change, caused our bodies energies to naturally start shifting and detoxifying, which in my body, showed up as severe acid reflux and migraines - to the point where I was struggling to concentrate on anything. We were told to avoid taking any medications for pain relief, just to allow ourselves to work through the detoxification process - I don't often use pain killers, but I really struggled not to this time, the sensations were so intense it made so difficult to concentrate and process all the new information I was trying to take in. Luckily, as the week went on these symptoms died down and finally disappeared - Thank Goodness for that ! 

Throughout the course we were eating strictly vegan diets, consisting of fruits, veg, grains and pulses, for two meals a day - Lunch, dinner and occasionally a some snacks in between. This was also a little bit of a change to my normal eating habits - I was eating much healthier food and less than I usually would eat which at first was slightly challenging to adjust to as I was having cravings for my usual snacks but, as time went on I became less hungry and more satisfied with what I was eating. My mindset has changed about food also, I used to feel irritated and moody if I hadn't eaten enough and Id spend an awful lot of my time thinking of food. I now no longer obsess in my mind over food and the sugary things I always craved, or feel the urge to just eat for the sake of eating, to comfort me. Now, I believe I'm in a better mindset. I'm more in tune with my body and the connection it has with my mind, I listen to it in a healthier way, by eating when and what I feel I should - which turns out to be a lot different to what I though before.  - A big Thank you to Mercedes, (the chef on the course) for the AMAZING food! Honestly, it was without a doubt the tastiest food I've ever eaten. I have been vegetarian/vegan for roughly 5 years, but I was opened up to a completely new way of cooking which I absolutely love and now use every day!

All in all, the physical side of things for me changed a fair amount. I never really thought of yoga as a go to work out to get fit, I always looked at it as a mentally and physically relaxing practise - boyyyy, was I wrong about that! After practising everyday for the weeks of my course, and everyday since, I now notice that I am more toned and I can see muscle where I couldn't see any before. My upper body strength and my balance has increased immensely. I'm now able to do things with my body that I didn't even know I could do. A major thing that I learnt is that yoga is much more challenging than people expect. This course was an intense process to say the least, which in turn led to some deeply profound experiences that I was not expecting to have, (I will go in to more detail about this in part II) this whole experience has taught me so much and I feel truly blessed to be able to cherish and carry the memories and information with me. Through this course, I have fallen deeper in love with yoga and with myself also,  for me thats the best result I could have ever asked for.

A New chapter

Hey lovers,
Happy Easter! - Seeing as it is Easter, I thought this would be a pretty 'perfect time' to discuss new beginnings. So, this post is about starting new chapters in our lives. Saying goodbye to a phase we've been going through and welcoming whats next to come with open arms. This will obviously differ from person to person and could mean anything from -  Changing career path,  moving home or country, a change in health condition, letting go of someone or an idea you've been holding onto, even just learning something new which has turned out to be life altering information for you, etc.. -  if it has changed your perspective on life or yourself,  then your self is already starting a new phase.

Everything comes to an end at some point, we are constantly evolving and shifting. If we aren't growing out of things then we aren't really living much of an existence. Just like anything in life, you can chose to see this in a positive way and embrace it or a negative and try to hold on to what you have grown out of. It certainly may feel sad to let go of something that once was, or it could be a change that you are super excited for, either way its such a beautiful and positive notion that we are evolving and growing wiser.

Anyway, my reason for writing the is that a new chapter in my life is about to begin and I am super excited for it! This time tomorrow, I shall be flying away to start my yoga teacher training course. This is something that I have been aiming to do for a little while now and I feel like its going to be a pretty life altering experience for me. Yoga and meditation have been big healers in my life, they have helped me get through some extremely difficult times and I honestly recommend that everyone gives the Yogic lifestyle a try. Its a breathe of fresh air - challenging - but in the most amazing ways and I am looking forward to throw myself into the heart of it and learn all the techniques, workings and philosophy in even more depth on this course. I'm going to try and write as much as I can throughout the process to keep you updated and then share my overall experience. Stay tuned!


   

Love always,
Hannah
   x

No feeling is final

                                        'No feeling is final' ~ Rainer Maria Rilke 

Hello there lovers,
I know I haven't posted anything lately so I'm just going to jump straight into this. For a little while now, I have been dealing with some painful emotions. Being open and honest with you guys, throughout my life I've experienced a couple bouts of depression and pretty much had an on going battle with anxiety for quite some time. Recently, for the first time, rather than just filling my life with distractions and trying to remove the negative feelings (temporarily),  I decided to face these issues and embark on a bit of a journey to understanding the deep rooted causes and how to go about healing my wounds. Whilst also trying to deal with balancing out my frequently flickering feelings of disconnection - As if i'd checked out of my own self, watching in from the outside. Whilst on the other hand,  being overly empathetic and too emotionally connected to everything around me. Its been a bit of a case of either feeling overwhelmed or not really feeling much at all. I don't want to go too deep into detail about myself in this post because that isn't exactly the reason why I'm writing this but, Its been quite an intense time so to speak.

As I've mentioned before in past posts, I've never really been the best for dealing with negative feelings when they rear their ugly head in my life,  I think this is something that the majority of us struggle with daily. I don't personally know about how you deal with negativity, but I'd always chose to keep myself distracted from feeling pain or emptiness. I avoided stillness at all costs because these emotions would hit me like a ton of bricks and I wasn't ready to deal with them until recently. This time, I decided to stand my ground and persevere with any negativity that I may come to feel and to tell you honestly, this process is not a fun one in any way what so ever. Some days I wake up feeling like I'm stuck in a nightmare, other days Im my happy go lucky self but, I know that understanding and perseverance is necessary for me to feel better long term rather than just brushing these feelings under the carpet and getting a temporary fix. Its so important to really listen to yourself and recognise the lessons behind these negative emotions, to see the goodness that they are going to give you one your moved past them. Im learning how to work through them and that its ok to feel like this. It's also very important to remember that No feeling is final. Emotions are intense but, inconsistent and fleeting parts of our lives and negative ones are just a symptom of something bigger going on inside of us. Just like if you go to the doctors with symptoms of consistent physical pain, they will run tests and search deeper into finding out the underlying problem that is causing these symptoms. Our mental wellbeing is the same.

"Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways."  

If you are consistently experiencing symptoms of depression, for example; low energy, lack of interest in the things you'd normally enjoy, sadness / over all low mood.. etc, these symptoms are there to show you that there is a a bigger problem, Maybe its something that has happened in your past or maybe something is happening presently which is feeling raw,  unhealed and is subconsciously acting up inside of you,  creating your depression (Same for anxiety, or any other mental health issues). Finding strength is important here, the strength to search deeper into what the cause/ causes are and take time and energy into first understanding and then healing these open wounds which are leaking out into other parts of your life. Its not an easy process believe me, but its one which is so important for us all to take the time to do, to help create a more loving and understanding life for ourselves. Its all about cause and effect. Take the time to commit to yourself and your own happiness and inner peace, it may not feel like it at first because it can be extremely painful to face these issues head on, but in the long run it will be one of the best decisions you've ever made.

Today, whilst writing this, Im still trying to understand certain events in my life and the effects they have had on me, so that I can accept and move on from them productively. I still get overwhelmed by my emotions. I still get lonely sometimes, no matter how many people may be around me. Ive never been that good at having what I call ' Shallow friendships', you know the kind where you just kinda stay on the surface of things and don't dive much deeper into knowing what makes that person tick or finding out their true passions or discussing their past or get to a point where you are able to ask them if they are truly ok and receive a completely honest answer in return, rather than just putting on a smile and pretending everything is good, but then go home to be upset alone. As I understand, most people are quite reserved in what they tell others, they prefer to hide truths and remain composed. I guess these types of people may find people like me a bit too intense, but by being this way I'm trying to achieve building a foundation on what I consider to be meaningful things, you know? I want people to know that no matter what inner struggles they are going through, that they can share their struggles with me and I will be there to support them. That I will be your friend in your happiest hours just as much as your darkest. That I won't run as soon as it starts to rain. I will pitch up my umbrella and stand with you until the rain goes, or ask you to dance with me amongst it whilst it falls, feeling every single drop roll off our bodies and watch them hit the floor - just like our struggles - we feel them, immerse ourselves in them and then watch them wash away.

 Images by @Baldwinner

So based on this ocean of a topic that I've briefly touched upon - I want you to know that if you are going through any emotional struggles in your life right now - you are not alone and you don't have to be! It is so important that people have a good support system and feel connected with each other, especially in times when you feel like your world is crumbling down. If you feel the need to reach out to someone outside of your circle about these matters - Feel free to contact me through the details on my contact page - Email, Instagram, whatever suits you best. Your message will be received with love and zero judgement - it will also stay confidential.

Love always, 

Hannah x 

Slaves To Society

“Human tragedies: We all want to be extraordinary
and we all just want to fit in. Unfortunately, extraordinary people rarely fit in.” 
― Sebastyne Young

I've always felt like a hexagonal puzzle piece trying to be forced into a square shaped gap. Basically,  Its just not going to happen - as hard as society can try. The things is, I don't have an issue with being a hexagon. I embrace being different and having contrasting dreams and aspirations to others around me. I don't mind standing out from the crowd if it means I get to be my true self, but Ive grown to realise that western society happens to have a slight issue with this. There isn't much room for us to roam here or much of a feeling of acceptance for the 'weird' or wildly spirited. Im talking about the outcasts, the rogues, the explorers, the creatives, the eccentrics or the complexly deep soul searchers. You know the ones I'm talking about - the avoiders of conformity whom get tarred with the 'crazy' brush or made to feel like outsiders just because they don't fit into this straight jacket mould that has been created. The ones whom want their lives to be far from mundane or dictated to them. 

I was born on this earth, yet sometimes I feel like an alien here. Like a bird trying to be caged by society. In a world full of influencers telling you to ' BE YOU' but then still following the crowd and conforming, its hard not to feel slightly confused or lost. I feel disheartened  at the fact that so many of us are told to follow our dreams but when it actually comes to doing what is required to achieve that .. e.g. break away from the crowd,  take a leap of faith into the unknown.. etc, we start to get talked out of it because it may not be a 'secure' path to follow or a 'safe bet', therefore, it could 'fail' and I believe we all want to avoid that. In our minds we are all scared in some way of messing up our lives, our egos like control and by choosing the road less travelled, it becomes unpredictable to know what will happen next. Which, I personally don't think to be a bad thing at all. Once we take that leap, I believe this is where the fun starts. Our lives start to blossom and we begin to attract the things we have been endlessly thinking about. But it can certainly be a scary thing to do, to put all our faith in ourselves and go out into the world in attempt to manifest the life of our dreams, however crazy or unrealistic it may seem. 

When I talk about my desire for freedom, to be close to nature, to explore the world in any crazy way possible, to not be tied down to responsibilities, especially whilst I'm young - Im shocked by the amount of times I'm made to feel like its unrealistic to break away from society... "why would you leave what you have?" "How will you make enough money?" people ask, "its not a stable lifestyle" they say. Maybe I'm being naive but I don't want these things to dictate my life choices. But these sort of comments creep up on me and start to fill my head with doubts which then hold me back from following some of the things I desire, even when I try my hardest not to let them. They are in the back of my mind telling me I'm going to fail if I make a big change or venture out into the world to explore and find my own truths because I'm being judged by a society whom has already been told a version of the truth that they are choosing to believe, possibly without really searching any deeper for their own. 

“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?” 
― Erin Hanson 

There is so much fear here, so much need for control and a ridiculous amount of pressure put onto us from such a young age to eradicate any kind of uncertainty. We are made to feel like we should have a secure life plan and if we don't, then their is something wrong with us. We are taught how to behave, how we should speak to others, how we should dress, how and when we should eat. We are made well aware of a traditional path in life in which people go to uni, get a well paid job and work their way up in the world, find a partner and get married, buy a house, have kids and settle down, retire and then die. Can we all just take a moment to stop and question all this? Do we really want to live in a world where we judge peoples success and the amount of respect we give to them based on their material worth? Do we really want to spend our whole lives slaving away doing the same thing day in day out, for material things and miss out on seeing what else their is out there on this beautiful earth we are blessed to be on? This kind of lifestyle may make some people happy but it's not for everyone - it's not for me, it has never been my cup of tea and that is ok. We are all different. I know that there is more out there than this, in which I want to explore. I know that you can't have everything in life set to a time schedule or have everything figured out because not everything is going to go to plan and nobody has all the answers.
So, when I start to worry or put pressure on myself  to know whats going on in my life or what my next move is - I stop and think... why not embrace the uncertain? welcome it with open arms because its full of amazing opportunities. We can do anything with our time, so why not think out of the box? What would happen if you began to break your routines and habits? What would happen if you left your current lifestyle and went to travel the world? If you worked a little less but made more time to follow your passions? Or ended the relationship that you are clinging onto even though you know its not working and embrace the unknown of being single to make room for something better to come? Even with the small things, like not wearing shoes if we want to feel the earth we are walking on or licking our plates clean if we enjoyed the food or singing and dancing in front of strangers on the underground rather than sitting in silence. Just anything that we feel we wish to do rather than what we are told to do to fit in, who cares if people think you are weird - at least you are being you, as the individual that you are.

Don't let anyone make you feel like you are crazy just because you are different or have different views on life. Don't let people tell you can't follow your dreams (Slightly cringeworthy to say, but its true). Don't let fear control your decisions. You'll be surprised how things begin to work in your favour when you put a little faith in the universe and in your own self to recognise when its time to make a change. 'Fortune favours the brave' as they say. Don't feel like you have to make yourself a square to fit into the puzzle gap, embrace your difference, be a hexagon.

“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it's a feather bed.” 

― Terence McKenna

Tampered Trust

Today, I would like to discuss the oh so important topic of - Trust.
So, heres a question for you to look at yourself honestly and think about carefully -
Would you consider yourself a trusting person?

I've never really been the kind to have issues when it comes to trusting others. I've had many reasons not to, but have always remained pretty open to people. I've always looked at it as if someone was to break my trust then I hurt, forgive and move on, in whatever way I see fit, whether thats with or without them as a close part of my life. But lately, for various reasons I seem to have reached a point where I'm becoming much more cautions with placing my trust in people. I don't know if this is something that just gradually happens as you get older and the years of misplacing your trust in people takes a toll or what, but I'm interested by the logic behind this technique we use as a means to protect ourselves. 

Overall, would you say you are more of a 'trust until its broken' or 'trust is earned over time' kind of person? I refuse to allow myself to be an untrusting person even if it does 'help' in the process of trying to avoid getting hurt. I guess being cautious is a different matter and one in which makes more sense but the truth of the matter is - unfortunately, anyone can break your trust, even people who you least expect, so is there really much point in trying to avoid it happening? If its going to happen, then its going to happen and I suppose we can't really do much about it except cross that bridge when we come to it. It seems quite a shame to me, to spend life avoiding getting close to people or allowing ourselves to be a little vulnerable sometimes just incase we might get hurt? Just think of all the amazing and beautiful moments we could miss out on by trying to keep your distance and remain sheltered out of the fear of pain.

So, what do you do when you have reached the bridge only to find its been broken by someone whom you trusted, someone whom you least expected to be one to break it. Would you try to fix it ? or would you find a different route?  I suppose that answer depends on how bad the damage is and the amount of will power we have in the situation, it obviously also depends on weather the person who broke it is willing to put in the effort to help fix it too. Which leads me to my next questions - can trust be earned back or will it remain slightly damaged forever? Does time really aid issues of broken trust? Will you spend the rest of your time second guessing another's motives? Are the answers different depending on each individual and what it was that happened to create the break in trust or do some people just cope better? Can leopards change their spots?

I definitely believe that leopards can change their spots, sometimes people make mistakes/ bad choices, sometimes we fall into destructive patterns which we regret and want to try our best to put right and prove ourselves to our loved ones. I have seen times where people have recognised their faults, wanted to change and showed true regret, honesty and sincerity - they were forgiven and this worked out well and trust has been gained back. But more often than not, unfortunately, a lot of people don't realise their wrong doings until its too late or keep on making the same bad choices over and over again and the consequences of their actions result in more damage than what could be fixed. Which leads to them always being kept at arms length, a loss of trust, company and respect. This is often a pretty sad point to reach but I guess, sometimes it's a very necessary one to learn from for the future. To learn to be more considerate and thoughtful of our own actions and the effects that they may have on others, in and around our lives. We are blessed with consciousness and the ability to think therefore, we should use this gift we have to our advantage. It's not that hard to just stop for a moment and think before making a possibly destructive decision or one that we are going to later regret. To be aware of why we are making it or wanting to. I mean, I know that you can only think about things so much because we don't always know if something is good or bad for us, but as I see it, some are a given. Morally, there are some things that are wrong (Lying, cheating, stealing...ect.) - That are going to effect peoples trust towards you in a negative way, whether others choose to forgive/trust you again, is completely up to them but, its up to you to take responsibility for our own actions and to treat people with respect. Even more so if you've been lucky enough to receive a second chance. Don't take advantage of people, especially not the ones you love. Value them and the trust that they have placed within you. Love them wholeheartedly and be true to them.

Between Two Extremes

  “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” ~ Charles Bukowski 

One of my biggest challenges in life is finding the balance between two extremes. When I say this I mean discovering a healthy mix of the Little devil and angel that sit on my shoulders, just waiting for any chance they get to bombard me with each of their one sided opinions. On one hand, lies my selfish, impulsive, reckless side - my devilish thoughts that entice me into my wildest fantasies. On the other hand, there's the empathetic, caring, loving, angelic side of me who cares dearly about my own & others health and happiness. My 'angel' is the one whom I often spend the majority of my time listening to - sometimes too much - to the point where I drive myself insane trying to make sure I'm doing the 'right' or 'good' thing. I really don't like to cause any drama, unnecessary upset or chaos for myself or for others around me and by listening to my angel, I do my best to avoid this.

I can be extremely self critical, anxious and analytical. Sometimes, overthinking decisions to the point where my head literally starts to hurt. I get frustrated with the amount of time I spend trying to work out if something is good or bad and then start blaming myself when Ive chosen the wrong one. I'll start to feel guilty for any 'mistakes' I've made, when often it's just me expecting too highly of myself and in turn, unnecessarily stressing out. On the flip side, some days I wake up and -to put it bluntly- I don't give a sh*t. Some days, I feel pushed to my limit and I don't care about trying to please people or structuring my life in order to cater for anyone but myself. I don't care if I offend anyone or if my actions are going to affect me later on - within reason. Some days, I just want to let my hair down and not think for once, to let my mind be washed clean and allow the void to suck me into a little bubble of my own. It feels really damn good to just shout - F*CK IT ALL! - and stop worrying about everyone and everything. To just do what you want to do rather than spending your time stressing about what others want or expect of you.

I've learnt that you can't always please others or even yourself and by expecting that of yourself all the time puts an awful lot of pressure on your own shoulders and ends up driving you to want to switch the the complete opposite - Not giving a f*ck. Which then kind of defeats the point of what your were trying to achieve in the first place. Sometimes I manage to feel like I'm standing on the middle ground, like things are going steady and I've more or less got a rhythm going but every so often Im pushed over the edge again and I veer off to one side. So I ask myself, what does that mean? Does it mean that I'm not naturally a 'balanced person' ? - Surely there aren't people who just pop straight out of their mothers wombs knowing all the answers. Surely there aren't people who have it all figured out and are completely balanced and 'sane' all of the time, throughout their whole lives ?! Who knows, maybe there are people who get everything right all of the time - maybe these people are the extremely annoyingly Judgemental kind who make you feel bad for any choice you make that isn't deemed acceptable to them, but what if the most judgmental person in your life, is your own self? Maybe I am the only one who makes bad choices, as my mind likes to make me feel...but of course, I know deep down that I'm not and We all know this is just a trick our minds play on us. I find it strange how we are made/make ourselves feel like we are going crazy if we don't have our sh*t together all of the time. This is where its important to listen to both your little angel and your devil. They provide us with views from either side of the spectrum which gives us the opportunity to decide the kind of person you are or would like to be.

         (Images by Sam Davis)
We often put way too much pressure on ourselves, to keep people happy, to make the right decisions, to avoid upsetting a rhythm in our lives but we have to remember that there is only so much we can do to avoid these things and ultimately you may be trying so hard to keep things steady and to please people that you may end up making yourself unhappy in the process. I always say, living in extremes is a bit like jumping onto a rollercoaster and letting it take you on a crazy ride without needing to put any effort into knowing how to control it. Finding a balance is slightly more difficult as it requires time and effort to learn how to drive yourself through the highs, lows and loop-the-loops without completely loosing your marbles. I always think its important to learn from what is difficult, to embrace the things in which do not come second nature to us. I search for balance and sometimes I manage to find it for a while before I eventually loose it again but Im cool with that, I like to feel crazy sometimes. Like I said, it feels great to shout - F*ck It - and do your own thing if you feel the need, its like a huge release. It's just that we usually come back to the realisation that we do care about others in our lives and their thoughts and feelings. Its about finding the balance - wouldn't it be amazing if more often than not you could find a middle ground where you didn't feel like you were pushed to the point of saying - F*ck it all - and not caring anymore?

Facing fears

“ To escape fear, you have to go through it, not around it” ~ Richie Norton

I have spent the majority of my existence feeling emotionally overwhelmed and trapped by society and actually just any kind of negativity in general. I always found if I stayed in the same place for too long my mind would become riddled with anxiety and oozing with this need to get out. I'd crave nothing more than to just float away, off into the horizon on an adventure - never to look back. My main focus and channel of energy would always be spent on ways of escaping the mundane, whether that be by physically retreating and hiding, detaching myself, jumping on a plane and flying away or even just sat daydreaming of where else I could be or how my life could be improved. To allow myself be care free. Impulsive. Reckless. To feed the inner madness by going out into the world, throwing caution to the wind and just go wild, because 'Bad decisions make for great stories' ... right ?!. 

A lot of people have always advised me to work hard now and enjoy the benefits later - which I understood - But, my way of thinking has always been the opposite. I have always been too impatient and I had developed a fear of running out of time to do all the things I want to do before I get old and miss the opportunity. I suppose you could say I have lived my life in a rather Hedonistic way - Id take the present as if it's the only thing we truly own and go wild with my impulses. I'd follow whatever it is that gave me pleasure and filled my live with happiness, passion and excitement. This mind set definitely leads to an extremely interesting, artistic lifestyle which I do think we should embrace -  but as I get older my pattern of thought has evolved a little and I now have started to develop a little bit more of a balance. I have come to the realisation that, as much as I enjoy  ‘Pleasure seeking', I've actually been using it as a distraction from dealing with personal fears. As soon as something becomes difficult or too emotionally overwhelming I start to get the urge to run (as I'm sure a lot of you often do too), so I end up booking a flight and leaving so that I can feel peaceful again for a short while or I become reckless and start involving myself in things that end up effecting my life in a negative way, rather than facing up to whatever the struggle is, sometimes id rather just hide from it. 

(Images by Lewis Beards)

I now see how much time I have spent distracted by the thrill of chasing the things that excite me, that I made no real time to just be still and truly see myself or any of what I may have been running from. Being 'on the go' all the time makes it hard to have any time to truly see things for what they are and makes it more difficult to think. Sometimes, a bit of down time is necessary for yourself to unwind and let your thoughts/emotions settle to allow clarity. Its ok to be scared by your own emotions, behavioural patterns or personal habits. We can’t honestly be happy and up beat all the time and I am now completely at peace with this fact because it doesn’t feel natural any other way. Sure, it feels amazing to have happy times but also there’s something so beautiful about melancholia. It reminds me that I'm human and I feel proud to be able to feel sadness, hurt or fear and process it in a healthy way and overcome it with strength rather than trying to escape it. The truth is, you can try to escape your sadness, insecurities and fears but it won't last very long. You can keep running and trying to hide from issues that lie within you but they will follow you until you face them. So be brave, go through them rather than around them and feel extremely proud of yourself for not just taking the easy route out.